Because my goodness does he annoy the hell out of me! Did you guys see where he was going on a date with that midnight blue shirt, and as he walked up, he unbuttoned not one, but TWO of the buttons? Dewd. That shit was only cool if you were John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. in NINETEEN SEVENTY-SEVEN! (Yes, I googled the year...I mean really, I was two).
I mean, you're such a fucking boring pill that the hookers you decided to keep would rather bang a cute "staffer", then wait to see what you're all about. Now that's boring.
I swear, if Chris would have said "entered into an inappropriate affair" one more time, I was going to lose it. Or start taking shots to get through it. You know, like the game Roxanne? Whenever the Police says "Roxanne", you take a shot. Love that game. We played it to Beat It in NYC with Kari. Fun times.
This show is boring me! I can't take it anymore. You're dry humping some pretty girl in the pool, then give a rose to some bridal magazine model whose coy girl act is soooooooooo obvious?! Is it even dry humping if they were in the pool?
What about the retard who wrote this long asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss letter (on a napkin, no less) in 5th grader writing about how she wasn't going to kiss him because other girls had kissed him?!?! I mean, seriously?!?! You're a fucking nanny with a HORRIBLE boob job!!!!!!!!!! Do you really think we're going to think YOU AREN'T EASY?!?! And, ya dumb fuck, if you'd seriously considering marrying a guy YOU'VE NEVER KISSED BEFORE, you have more issues than your bad boobs. And missing ass. I'm an ass girl. Did you see her ass in those jeans?! Me either. Cause it wasn't there. And she really did say, "In my spare time, I like to write" and then took out her crumpled up napkin and started her monotone reading. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I really hate monotone reading.
And don't ask me what being a nanny and bad boobs have to do with being easy. Because I don't know. But it feels right to say it. So I will.
What else? I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ali. Just love her. Love her yellow dresses. Love her dancing to Chicago (what ever happened to Peter Ceterra...wasn't he the lead singer of Chicago??). And really, she's the best thing there. So, I hope she runs! I seriously can't believe what an utter bore Jake is. I mean, I can. It isn't a surprise. But he's the kind of guy that the fact that he is that good looking doesn't even matter because he is so.fucking.boring. He reminds me of a few guys I've dated. Briefly. Hahahaha. I think it was in high school, and then maybe again right after -- there was this dreamy guy named Carlos. He was in the Navy (no gay jokes, please) and gorgeous and sooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeeet. And BORING. To no end. You know, the kind of guy that you *try* to like with all your might because on paper, you *should* like him, but you just can't stomach the thought. Yeahp. I'm sure if I sit here and think about it, I can name a couple more. Maybe I will. Another day.
Yes, yes, yes, I married a freaking GOP Gold Card Member who is INFURIATING at every single turn and we disagree on just about everything, but man, I can never say that he's boring. Or that he isn't damn sexy. But anyway...
And crazy-psycho-you-will-see-her-soon-on-America's-Most-Wanted-Michelle is still there. I keep watching this show hoping we aren't on real time. And by real time, what I mean is that I hope they've been there interacting longer than 2 weeks, because really, what at any point has he said or done that make you sooooooooo in love with him? Or want him so bad? Was it when he said "dynamite"? Barf. I can't get over that.
He didn't even make a Mile High joke or reference when him and Ali were on the plane! SO.NOT.SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love Vienna's energy, but she's a crazy 22 year old party girl from Florida! T-R-O-U-B-L-E. And her crosseyed-ness is really hard to get over. I get a headache when she comes on the screen.
And what about the crazy girl who waited to have sex before marrying her ex husband who cheated on her? I'm missing why it's such a HUGE deal for her to tell Jake (when he's dating 14 other girls) that she was previously divorced. Am I wrong?
Ugh. The hair dresser with the son. Does anyone else think it's totally fucking weird that she told her son she was going to go try to land Pilot Jake (haha, no pun intended)? I would be embarrassed to tell my kid that I was going on some reality show to find a husband. I mean, if I were single, I wouldn't be above going on a reality show, but if I had kids, I'd be embarrassed. That's all.
And the saddest thing of all is that I will tune in next week. What the hell is wrong with me?!
